Archive for February, 2010

Tucker: Opening Scene (2.0)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Well… not exactly. In fact, the names and basic set up are the only things you’re likely to recognize in this new and (I dare hope) much improved version of Tucker’s opening scene. It’s rough – really rough – but overall I’m very excited about its potential. And the fact that it opens a big can of whoop-ass onto an unsuspecting Tucker, something Professor Lani insists is necessary. “Torture your protagonist,” she says. This is her call to arms. Who am I to disobey? So suit up! We’re going in.

“This year, your brother Jack will be two years from being twice as old as your sister Jen. The sum of Jack’s age and three times Jen’s age is sixty-six. How old is Jen?”

Tucker Smith spared a glance for her daughter as she pulled another pitcher of Coors for the trio of suits at table three. “You’re an only child, the question is moot.”

“Nice,” Emma said flatly. “I’m sure Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro will be totally impressed by that logic. When should I have her schedule your parent-teacher conference for?”

Tucker sighed. “Duckie, you know that I would do just about anything for you, but I draw the line at eighth grade math word problems.” On autopilot, she switched out the nearly empty salsa crock in front of Emma with a fresh one and a new basket of tortilla strips. “I did my time. You’re on your own.”

“Thirteen point six.” Continue reading


off topic: my daughter is a juvenile delinquent

We interrupt the regular programing to bring you this inconsequential bulletin:

Tonight the part of Juvenile Delinquent will be played by The Girl, age 5

So it’s Wednesday. 3 days into the regular school week. I’ve had 4 reports of misbehavior on my daughter from school. FOUR.

#1 Screeching like a banshee for fun in the girl’s bathroom resulting in her not being able to go out on the playground with the other kids

#2 & 3 General inability to sit still and feign interest in learning during class 2 days in a row resulting in her star being turned backwards 2 days in a row (this is apparently the new “name on the board” that I remember well since it happened to me quite often… but I digress)

#4 Finding a marker on the floor and coming up with the brilliant idea to tag said floor instead of return the marker to its proper spot resulting in a written behavior report that will go into her permanent record or something

Seriously? She’s 5. If she keeps this up, what is she going to come up with she’s 12? Don’t tell me… I don’t have enough Merlot in the house for that.

After Monday’s incident (#1) in the car on the way home she tells me she wants to write her teacher a letter. I ask, naively thinking she wants to apologize, what she wants to write. She tells me, and I quote, “I want to tell Mrs. P that she RUINED my life by not letting play outside ever again.”

Words fail me.

At least after today’s transgression (#4) she told me she wanted to write Mrs. P a letter… to apologize. Maybe there’s hope for us. I’m not holding my breath.